dolls, priorities and decisions

i used to write candidly about my thoughts and feelings back in my livejournal days (2003 – 2010) and then i stopped because i felt i needed a change. i created this blog, which i updated a couple of times, but it got quiet after a while because i only rarely felt like sharing my thoughts publicly.
i have always followed my instinct with these things, and it was telling me to be quiet for a while, because i knew what i felt but i didn’t need to let others know that information. it was time to be cocoon-y.

i now once again, or perhabs for the first time for real, feel like sharing my thoughts, and because i haven’t written in so long, there are many subjects i want to touch, things i want to talk about.
as of now, this moment sitting down and starting this document, my head is a little dizzy from all the thoughts swirling around in it at the same time wanting to be shared, but i figure, start in one place and write down one thing at a time, and we’ll get through it.

first of all, i shall start with a declaration. every time i feel like writing about dolls, i am aware that there are people who do not relate much to the doll world, and would rather hear about my life. though you have to understand that dolls, the ones i care about, mean a lot to me and have become a way for me to express myself. you will find “me” within my talkings about dolls if you look for me. :)

you may have seen that i am expecting a most unique and beautiful tiny porcelain bjd by Ilona Jurgiel. this is special to me in different ways, one of them being that i met Ilona in person in 2010, at the Fragility show that Marina Bychkova was holding in Berlin, Germany.
i very much liked Ilona as a person and could relate to her, although the exhibition was quite busy and so our conversations did not go very deep, i felt that she was a very interesting and beautiful human being.
seeing how seemingly quickly she found her calling to make dolls, and how they touched me ever since i saw them first, i feel that i was looking for them without even knowing it, because when i saw them, it was like finding a piece of myself that i had been looking for.
this is what always happens when i desire a doll, there is something unexplicable that draws me to it, seeing that it is my belief that everything and everyone is One, i look at purchasing/adopting a doll like in recollecting a piece of myself that has always existed but now is visible in front of me.

thus is my explanation for choosing a doll, and for choosing past dolls that now live with me, or even ones that no longer live with me. surely with the latter, there was something there, but this was no longer needed in my actual vicinity, and yet, leaving it, that thing would still not be gone from me, seeing that i am One with all that is.

i think you are beginning to realize that dolls, and indeed everything in my life, is spiritual to me. spirituality is the core of me, it simply is what IS and comes natural for me.

aaanyway, don’t think that i am not having fun, oh i have lots of fun, happiness is very dear to me, but i allow any feeling to pass through me and i don’t judge them.

back to the dolls, there have been other ones on my wishlist for a while but like everyone, i have to prioritize and can not simply buy each doll i see and like, for financial reasons.
as you know, i love my Enchanted Doll Iðunn, and it is my wish to one day add a second ED to my little doll family. that wish was always there ever since i put eyes on them for the first time. i was lucky to adopt dear Iðunn and would never give her up if i can help it, but i always also had the wish to have an ED who is closer to my dream doll. that changes slightly but most often is either Banshee, Sapphire or Penelope/Lily.
there is the wish to be able to use the beautiful wigs made by Amarilli which i feel enhance an ED greatly because she understands wigmaking for Enchanted Dolls.
now as ED fans will know, it is not easy to acquire an ED, custom orders were closed in summer 2008 and prices have risen exceptionally. there were plans for resin ED’s at some point, but each time Marina tried to realize them, it didn’t seem to work out. i almost wonder if maybe Marina took it as a sign to either wait, or altogether cease those plans. who knows.
the resin ED plan gave me some hope as it would have been a way for me to afford a second ED, but so far it was not to be. i certainly would welcome it warmly, should it happen in the future, but i am not so sure anymore.
even though this will sound outrageous for some, seeing that i am the lucky owner of an Enchanted Doll (and i am indeed aware of how lucky i am), not being able to acquire this fleeting dream ED has given me quite some heart ache, which i was not that consciously aware of until recently. i know that many people feel sad about being in a similar position, or not even being able to have one ED. i am not trying to diminish their feelings, i am simply stating mine.

now though, i am finally able to let these sad feelings go. i am finally realizing truly how lucky i am to have the dolls that are with me, and simply feeling happy while looking at them. i have realized that truly, “if it’s meant to be, it will be”. and all time is now, everything has already happened, i am just traveling thorugh time like watching a movie minute after minute, i simply feel the whole of it and i feel such a sense of gratitude for all that i am and have.

in this new way, i have found Ilona’s dolls and maybe others can relate, but don’t you love it when everything just falls in place and works out, and when you look back you see that it was meant to be? that is how it feels like having come across Ilona’s Lightpainted Dolls and being able to adopt one into my little doll family.

as i meant to tell above, there have been other dolls on my wishlist, and some still are on it, but there is a distinct change of feeling between the ones that end up with me and the ones that don’t. i now have learned to trust in it, when the time is right things work out, and if it isn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.
there are those that remain on my wishlist, as hope of “some day”. Lidia Snul’s dolls are one such example.
i was actually quite excited to hear that she was releasing resin editions through Jpopdolls, but to be honest, i am not that fond of Jpopdolls faceups on them. i would prefer a doll painted by Lidia. not to say that Jpopdolls faceup isn’t nice, it is, but for me it just doesn’t live up to Lidia’s amazing painting.
that is why i decided that a porcelain doll painted by Lidia would be my preference.
Dust of Dolls Püns was on my list too, but ultimately i feel like it is a beautiful doll that i like to look at in pictures, but that i don’t need to own myself.
there are other ones but it changes slightly all the time.

it is obvious, seeing my little doll family, that i don’t buy many dolls, it is special when i am able to acquire a new one, because i don’t have a steady income (being a freelance translator) and so when i am expecting a new doll, i am always very excited.
this time, waiting for my very own Lightpainted Doll, i am extra excited because it feels special that she is being made especially for me. that experience is new for me, and i am really enjoying that.
i am thinking of her every day and i am making lists with possible names for her. i’m also feeling very inspired and tapping into a world of stories around her.
i think Lightpainted Dolls are unique in their tiny-ness with a mature ethereal body shape, this appeals very much to me and is part of why i feel i have been looking for them without knowing it.

i feel this is the point to conclude this document, and that i will share more about myself in a future one.
it feels very freeing so far, to share my thoughts, and i shall now release them into the world. ;)



10 Responses to “dolls, priorities and decisions”

  1. Astera Says:

    Annina you are so sweet. This post is heartfelt and touching. I bet several others can relate to what you are saying. I will excitingly wait with you for the arrival of your Lightpainted girl and cross my fingers so that everything will fall in place for the acquisition of your next ED. Hugs.

  2. Eiko Says:

    I’m super-excited about you getting a Lightpainted Doll! I’m sure that she will be much loved in your doll family. Loved reading this blog entry.

    I also remember meeting you and Ilona at the Fragility show. It was such a lovey time. I wish we could’ve chatted more then.

    • Annina Says:

      thank you Els, i’m so happy that you are excited with me! :D

      yes i loved meeting you in Berlin too, i really wish we had taken the time and eaten dinner together one time, us ED fans who met! next time we’ll do that!

  3. Louise Says:

    What a beautiful, insightful and warming read. Thank you for sharing this with us Annina! I look forward to seeing your lightpainted doll! :) I used to have a porcelain doll as a child, I adored her. There was such a fragility about her.

  4. Plura Bella Says:

    I really enjoyed reading this post. I really liked the idea that we are all one! Like we are all the same but in different disguises. It really strikes a chord and the recollecting a piece of yourself is very poetic. I too am very excited for you and your acquisition of the little lightpainteddoll. :))

  5. Linda Says:

    Annina, I so enjoyed reading your post, so heartfelt. I love my dolls, the same as yourself. I too am waiting for a Lightpainted Doll to arrive and feel so excited. I have three Lidia Snul dolls and they are so beautiful and. ethereal. I strongly recommend you to obtain one of Lidia’s dolls….when you set eyes on them they blow you away. They are not the classical beauties that some BJD’s are, but that is what sets them apart from the rest. They have a rare beauty of their own. I cannot put it into words for I feel quite emotional thinking about it. I think that is what attracted me to Iliona’s Lightpainted Dolls….the similarities between her style and Lidia’s but still unique to them. I really hope you love your little girl when she arrives. I am sure you will.

    • Annina Says:

      Hello Linda,
      I am glad you enjoyed my post, I’m afriad I don’t post very often, so I have actually gotten my little Lightpainted doll and she is lovely:
      my Lightpainted Doll arrived!!!!
      Congratulations on waiting for your own Lightpainted Doll, I hope she will be everything you wished for, they are really very tiny and lovely!
      Lidia’s doll have been on my wishlist forever, I hope I can one day get one!
      How lovely that you have three of hers, which ones are they? And do you have photos somewhere?
      Best wishes to you!

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