Archive for the ‘Diary’ Category

Friday, March 1st 2013 – of anticipation, delivery trucks and new meetings

March 3, 2013

a phone is ringing, or so i think, but as i wake up from a dream fleeing my mind the sound changes and it is my alarm clock beeping. it’s an earlier morning than usual for me, since today is a special day. i check on Calle but he is sound asleep, which is good because he is fighting a cold and needs as much sleep as he can get.
i get out of bed and walk down the cold stairs, turn up the heating slightly and prepare my usual bowl of müsli with fruit juice. eating my breakfast i’m checking my inbox and then the fed ex tracking site. this is why the day is special, i am waiting for a doll.

it all started last november. i had been admiring these dolls for a long time and following the artists path, and i knew that one day i wanted to have one of her creations. in november 2012 i finally decided that the time was right, and contacted her. lo and behold, she told me she just started taking commissions. i took that as a sign and we started to exchange emails talking about my wishes for my doll. once that was all determined she gave me an estimate of how long the creation of my doll would take. we were in contact throughout and i was updated about the different stages of the creation of my doll. it was so enjoyable being part of the creation process and seeing her come alive slowly step by step. until finally last month her completion was imminent and i got to choose between two wigs among a few other last decisions.
she was then shipped last saturday.
yesterday i received a letter from customs and payed the customs taxes, today is the day her arrival is scheduled, and i can feel the excitement building. the tracking shows that she is out for delivery in a truck that left from a city situated about one hour from here. they will probably deliver other parcels along the way, but i can’t be sure. i’m glad i got up early. i finish my bowl of müsli and gather the things i need to bring. i will be waiting for the truck in the other house which is our main address. i grab my journal, a pen, a book, my cell phone and wallet and leave our house quietly not to wake Calle.
walking through the garden i enjoy the sun, it is making me feel warm for the first time this year. the month of March is here and the first signs of spring are showing.
i enter the other house and make myself comfortable at the kitchen table near the front door. that way i can see the street out the window.
it will be at least a little while til the truck arrives, i think, so i get myself a glass of water. then i open my beautiful journal to write for a bit. that one was a christmas gift from Calle, it is made by Louise of Bibliographica who makes the most beautiful journals i ever saw.
i’m writing and scribbling, i like to draw little details or objects that had a part in my day interspersed in the text.
a car passes and i jump, since this is a short connecting street that does not get much traffic usually, but it is just a regular car, so i get back to my journal. writing and gathering my thoughts, i stare out the window at times and loose myself a little bit looking at the clouds.
still i quickly remember that i’m waiting. sometimes i like to just sit and wait. most people don’t like waiting, something needs to be happening at every second in their life, otherwise they feel they are not accomplishing anything. i know of the importance of doing nothing and i suddenly realize, sitting and waiting isn’t as bad as it may seem. it feels nice, like a little space and time that’s just there. yet at the same time, of course i am expecting something and there is some impatience. it is a little back and forth feeling.
i feel that i’m done writing in my journal, so i close it and just sit for a while.
then my eyes fall on the book i brought, one i’ve had for a long time but just haven’t read yet.
i think now is the time to start. it’s part two of a trilogy, its title is “the mysterious benedict society and the perilous journey” by trenton lee stewart.
just as i expected, it is one of these books that grabs you and you forget everything around you. i am reading and i am there with the characters as they meet once again for their second adventure. i am reading still when i notice something white out of the corner of my eye. it is the fed ex truck in front of the house. my heart starts racing and i am bursting from excitement. i can’t help but smile big as i put down my book and run to the door. i open it before the delivery guy even gets out of his truck. i’m still smiling big i think because he gets out of the truck with my parcel and is smiling back at me.
he asks if i’m Annina and i answer indeed i am. he hands me the parcel, i set it down behind me and turn back to him. he has me signing that touch screen thingy they have.
there it is, we are done and he smiles at me again while he gets back into his truck and drives off. i wonder if he is just a very happy person or if i made him smile. either way i close the door, grab my parcel and the things i brought with me and leave the main house through the garden. the sun is still shining. i feel my excitement jumping in me and i know that i have to jump too. i get into our house and put down my tings and the parcel. Calle is up by now. i run in and tell him, she’s here!!! i take the camera, an extra lens and a cutter and place them on my bed upstairs. the sun is shining through the window, perfect.
i get back down to grab my parcel and place it on my bed also.
here it is, that moment i’ve been waiting for, it’s here now. :D
let’s open this special parcel, so you’ll finally know who i have been waiting for!
here we go:

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welcome to this beautiful custom porcelain Paperwhite doll made for me by talented and all around wonderful Teri. i would like to say a big thank you for this amazing experience which resulted in this lovely doll, i enjoyed every second of it!
words can’t describe how happy i am to be the new keeper of this doll, and i shall treasure her for all my time. ♥

now to listen if she will tell me her name.

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you can find Teri’s blog here:
http://iimagined.blogspot.com/

and her flickr here:
www.flickr.com/photos/silentfaces/

my dolls sister lives with Christina, see her here:
Christina’s Alisha on flickr

and here the two of them are together on Teri’s blog:
http://iimagined.blogspot.se/2013/02/blog-post_22.html

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dolls, priorities and decisions

November 21, 2011

i used to write candidly about my thoughts and feelings back in my livejournal days (2003 – 2010) and then i stopped because i felt i needed a change. i created this blog, which i updated a couple of times, but it got quiet after a while because i only rarely felt like sharing my thoughts publicly.
i have always followed my instinct with these things, and it was telling me to be quiet for a while, because i knew what i felt but i didn’t need to let others know that information. it was time to be cocoon-y.

i now once again, or perhabs for the first time for real, feel like sharing my thoughts, and because i haven’t written in so long, there are many subjects i want to touch, things i want to talk about.
as of now, this moment sitting down and starting this document, my head is a little dizzy from all the thoughts swirling around in it at the same time wanting to be shared, but i figure, start in one place and write down one thing at a time, and we’ll get through it.

first of all, i shall start with a declaration. every time i feel like writing about dolls, i am aware that there are people who do not relate much to the doll world, and would rather hear about my life. though you have to understand that dolls, the ones i care about, mean a lot to me and have become a way for me to express myself. you will find “me” within my talkings about dolls if you look for me. :)

you may have seen that i am expecting a most unique and beautiful tiny porcelain bjd by Ilona Jurgiel. this is special to me in different ways, one of them being that i met Ilona in person in 2010, at the Fragility show that Marina Bychkova was holding in Berlin, Germany.
i very much liked Ilona as a person and could relate to her, although the exhibition was quite busy and so our conversations did not go very deep, i felt that she was a very interesting and beautiful human being.
seeing how seemingly quickly she found her calling to make dolls, and how they touched me ever since i saw them first, i feel that i was looking for them without even knowing it, because when i saw them, it was like finding a piece of myself that i had been looking for.
this is what always happens when i desire a doll, there is something unexplicable that draws me to it, seeing that it is my belief that everything and everyone is One, i look at purchasing/adopting a doll like in recollecting a piece of myself that has always existed but now is visible in front of me.

thus is my explanation for choosing a doll, and for choosing past dolls that now live with me, or even ones that no longer live with me. surely with the latter, there was something there, but this was no longer needed in my actual vicinity, and yet, leaving it, that thing would still not be gone from me, seeing that i am One with all that is.

i think you are beginning to realize that dolls, and indeed everything in my life, is spiritual to me. spirituality is the core of me, it simply is what IS and comes natural for me.

aaanyway, don’t think that i am not having fun, oh i have lots of fun, happiness is very dear to me, but i allow any feeling to pass through me and i don’t judge them.

back to the dolls, there have been other ones on my wishlist for a while but like everyone, i have to prioritize and can not simply buy each doll i see and like, for financial reasons.
as you know, i love my Enchanted Doll Iðunn, and it is my wish to one day add a second ED to my little doll family. that wish was always there ever since i put eyes on them for the first time. i was lucky to adopt dear Iðunn and would never give her up if i can help it, but i always also had the wish to have an ED who is closer to my dream doll. that changes slightly but most often is either Banshee, Sapphire or Penelope/Lily.
there is the wish to be able to use the beautiful wigs made by Amarilli which i feel enhance an ED greatly because she understands wigmaking for Enchanted Dolls.
now as ED fans will know, it is not easy to acquire an ED, custom orders were closed in summer 2008 and prices have risen exceptionally. there were plans for resin ED’s at some point, but each time Marina tried to realize them, it didn’t seem to work out. i almost wonder if maybe Marina took it as a sign to either wait, or altogether cease those plans. who knows.
the resin ED plan gave me some hope as it would have been a way for me to afford a second ED, but so far it was not to be. i certainly would welcome it warmly, should it happen in the future, but i am not so sure anymore.
even though this will sound outrageous for some, seeing that i am the lucky owner of an Enchanted Doll (and i am indeed aware of how lucky i am), not being able to acquire this fleeting dream ED has given me quite some heart ache, which i was not that consciously aware of until recently. i know that many people feel sad about being in a similar position, or not even being able to have one ED. i am not trying to diminish their feelings, i am simply stating mine.

now though, i am finally able to let these sad feelings go. i am finally realizing truly how lucky i am to have the dolls that are with me, and simply feeling happy while looking at them. i have realized that truly, “if it’s meant to be, it will be”. and all time is now, everything has already happened, i am just traveling thorugh time like watching a movie minute after minute, i simply feel the whole of it and i feel such a sense of gratitude for all that i am and have.

in this new way, i have found Ilona’s dolls and maybe others can relate, but don’t you love it when everything just falls in place and works out, and when you look back you see that it was meant to be? that is how it feels like having come across Ilona’s Lightpainted Dolls and being able to adopt one into my little doll family.

as i meant to tell above, there have been other dolls on my wishlist, and some still are on it, but there is a distinct change of feeling between the ones that end up with me and the ones that don’t. i now have learned to trust in it, when the time is right things work out, and if it isn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.
there are those that remain on my wishlist, as hope of “some day”. Lidia Snul’s dolls are one such example.
i was actually quite excited to hear that she was releasing resin editions through Jpopdolls, but to be honest, i am not that fond of Jpopdolls faceups on them. i would prefer a doll painted by Lidia. not to say that Jpopdolls faceup isn’t nice, it is, but for me it just doesn’t live up to Lidia’s amazing painting.
that is why i decided that a porcelain doll painted by Lidia would be my preference.
Dust of Dolls Püns was on my list too, but ultimately i feel like it is a beautiful doll that i like to look at in pictures, but that i don’t need to own myself.
there are other ones but it changes slightly all the time.

it is obvious, seeing my little doll family, that i don’t buy many dolls, it is special when i am able to acquire a new one, because i don’t have a steady income (being a freelance translator) and so when i am expecting a new doll, i am always very excited.
this time, waiting for my very own Lightpainted Doll, i am extra excited because it feels special that she is being made especially for me. that experience is new for me, and i am really enjoying that.
i am thinking of her every day and i am making lists with possible names for her. i’m also feeling very inspired and tapping into a world of stories around her.
i think Lightpainted Dolls are unique in their tiny-ness with a mature ethereal body shape, this appeals very much to me and is part of why i feel i have been looking for them without knowing it.

i feel this is the point to conclude this document, and that i will share more about myself in a future one.
it feels very freeing so far, to share my thoughts, and i shall now release them into the world. ;)

Love,
Annina

there and back again

July 9, 2010

we are back from our little vacation in the middle of nowhere, i really enjoyed the nature and the quiet. lying on the veranda, writing in my diary, the walks down to the lake, sometimes just the sitting outside doing nothing.

i also took many photos of iðunn, she really fits so well for outdoor photography, she looks right at home in nature.

because i brought her in a box with pillows she even “went to bed” every night ;)

one night we drove around in our car and ended up on this cemetary, i quite liked it there.

as you can see it’s half past eleven there and that is as dark as it gets for the night in the summer. at something after 3am dawn starts.

here some more photos of iðunn:

on one of the last days i braided her hair, i think she looks so cute like that.

i’ll end with some photos from another walk we took, along a little stream in the woods.

you can find many more photos of this vacation on my flickr (there’s 5 pages full).

a heads up

May 19, 2010

from time to time i experience a timespan where i feel like i am just drifting, even though i have ideas and feel inspired, i find myself not able to “just do it”. i am in such a headspace now and have been since a while.
it also has to do with having lost our dog Ce-Ge in february, he was such a dear friend and i still can’t completely grasp that he is gone.
then in the end of april Calle’s grandmother (Cia’s mom) Greta passed away. she had been such an active woman, always up to something, whether it was traveling or swimming in the sea even in winter. she fell in early april, and from then on she kept feeling dizzy and nauseous when being upright. with each week that she was at the home for rehabilitation it got worse, at first she still sat up and even got up and walked, but progressively she didn’t move from the bed anymore, and she talked lower and lower until eventually she only mumbled while we tried to guess what she was saying. she had a fulfilled life and we all are glad that she wasn’t bedridden for very long, we know that being her active and stubborn self, she would not have liked to have to lie in bed day in day out for a long time. she passed away very peacefully, simply falling asleep.
we knew it would happen, and we said goodbye. we were and are ok, it was her time we all feel. but yet it’s hard to realize someone is not around anymore.
often having been in such a drifting headspace, such experiences seem to make them stay for longer.

i wish to participate more in the Enchanted Doll forum and online generally, but i am aware that i can’t force something that needs time. i am ok mostly, i am still able to be happy, and humour always helps me, but i wanted to give anyone who might wonder this heads up that i’m not completely here all the time.
this happens to me from time to time even if there have not been any deaths or immediate causes for it, but this time around there are causes too.

to the ED forum people i want to say that i am sad that i am like this now when there are all the lovely anniversary celebrations on the forum.
i am planning to enter the contests hosted by Paige, Monika and Ama+Amal, i love these contests and am very inspired and have plans in my head. hopefully i can participate in them all.

i have so many things planned that i want to do with Iðunn, photoshoots, clothing, etc. and sometimes it drives me crazy that i can’t just do it, but i need time now, to allow myself to do things when it feels right, instead of forcing something.

so i am here and mostly ok but now you know why i am not as active as i used to be or would wish to be.
love to all ♥
~Annina

Breakfast

April 4, 2010

This was my breakfast on April 2nd:

i was preparing it and took a bite, then decided to put it back down and take a picture because it looked so pretty.
it’s two small pieces of white teabread, one with butter and honey and the other with butter and apricot marmalade. then a piece of dark bread with nuts and as a topping cottage cheese, pepper and garden cress. next to it an egg, and a glass of water.
i forgot to add the apple in the first photo:

and here is a close-up of the bread:

we have been growing garden cress in our window sill several times now, i love having some to put on my bread, and it is so easy to grow and looks cute, like a tiny forest! :)

this was a breakfast post because i hadn’t blogged in a while. i wish everyone a happy easter and go eat eggs! :D

little ashes and cadaqués

March 19, 2010

i just finished watching little ashes, a film about Salvador Dalí and Federico García Lorca. i really liked it, so full of emotion, very touching. and yes i am a fan of Robert Pattinson, i think he is a great actor and i find him very good looking. :)
it was so cool, when the two of them are in Cadaqués, walking out of the church and then stealing the bikes leaning against the wall, i pointed at the screen and squee’d as i was in exactly that spot years ago and i remember it so clearly. i did not steal any bikes (haha) but i remember it was a very warm and sunny day. i loved Cadaqués and this made me really want to go back soon! when i was there i also went to look at Dalís house which is open to the public, so weird and cool.
if you like and are interested in Dalí and/or if you like Robert Pattinson i recommend to watch Little Ashes, and if you have the opportunity to travel the spanish Pyrenees i recommend going to visit the little town Cadaqués and seeing the house of Dalí. oh and not to forget to eat dinner in one of the lovely restaurants there, mmh spanish food!

a new beginning

March 9, 2010

hi and hello,

my name is Annina. this is my new little place to share and muse. it will be my outlet for any kind of mood, for ideas, seriousness and silliness. sometimes it might be more poetic, other times you might see coarse language, spur of the moment language, or just a list of what-happened-today.
sometimes i like to keep my everyday life to myself though, and seeing as i have a major obsession with Enchanted Dolls and love in particular for my dear Iðunn, you will find a lot of talk about her and them here.
one of the reasons i am starting this blog is also to join the little Enchanted Doll blog family.
another reason is a need for change. i have had a livejournal since 2003 and i enjoyed my time there but lately i have had a craving for something new. change has to come from within but as the saying goes “as within so without”, this blog will be part of my “without”, and i will let myself post here whatever i feel to share in the moment.
it’s an experiment, i can’t yet tell exactly what it will be, but like everything it’s a journey that enfolds and will be ever enfolding and changing.

now i would like to introduce to you Iðunn, my Enchanted Doll:

Iðunn on her first day with me

this photo is one i took of her on the first day she was with me. after having had a wtb (want to buy) thread on the ED forum for some months “just in case” i was able to adopt her from a previous owner and she arrived on July 17th 2009.
the following photo is when i first held her, taken by Calle who is often shaky because of his asthma medicine, so it is blurry, but i like this photo as it captured a precious moment:

holding Iðunn

this moment was the start of my journey with Iðunn and i am so very grateful to have her in my life!

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now bear with me as i settle into my new place here and get used to the wordpress way of blogging.